HOW TO HELP
What you can do
Characteristics of a Person in Crisis
PHYSICAL REACTIONS TO A CRISIS
Shock, numbness, frozen fright, fight or flight, adrenaline, heart rate, hyperventilation, body relieves self, and slow motion.
EMOTIONAL REACTIONS TO A CRISIS
Shock, disbelief, denial, fear, terror, confusion, frustration, out of control, guilt, grief, loss of trust, faith, identity, future; selfish, unpredictable.
SHORT ATTENTION SPAN:
-- person shows a narrowed, fixed span of attention. Will often have a "topic of choice", and return to that topic despite helper's attempt to change the conversation.
CHANGE IN ATTACHMENTS:
-- person is willing to talk to anyone who will listen. Much more trusting of others during this time period, much less paranoid of others...in other words, very vulnerable and open to receiving help.
CHANGE IN PERFORMANCE:
-- person's normal level of functioning decreases...job performance, social, personal, etc. A strong indicator that the person is in crisis.
ALTERED STATE OF CONSCIOUSNESS:
-- tunnel vision. Person often does not see what is obvious.
REDUCED DECISION MAKING ABILITY:
The Five Basic Steps in
Crisis Intervention Counseling
1. ESTABLISH A RELATIONSHIP
Helpful and Harmful Things to Say to a Victim
The following list of helpful phrases may be used if you have ever found yourself "stuck" for what to say to a client. You may use the list of harmful phrases below as a check to be sure you are not inadvertently saying things that may not support a victim. These lists may be especially useful to new legal advocates until they decide what phrases feel most comfortable for them, however, they are in no way intended to be inclusive.
Helpful Phrases:
10 Questions to Ask Yourself before Becoming an Advocate
PHYSICAL REACTIONS TO A CRISIS
Shock, numbness, frozen fright, fight or flight, adrenaline, heart rate, hyperventilation, body relieves self, and slow motion.
EMOTIONAL REACTIONS TO A CRISIS
Shock, disbelief, denial, fear, terror, confusion, frustration, out of control, guilt, grief, loss of trust, faith, identity, future; selfish, unpredictable.
SHORT ATTENTION SPAN:
-- person shows a narrowed, fixed span of attention. Will often have a "topic of choice", and return to that topic despite helper's attempt to change the conversation.
CHANGE IN ATTACHMENTS:
-- person is willing to talk to anyone who will listen. Much more trusting of others during this time period, much less paranoid of others...in other words, very vulnerable and open to receiving help.
CHANGE IN PERFORMANCE:
-- person's normal level of functioning decreases...job performance, social, personal, etc. A strong indicator that the person is in crisis.
ALTERED STATE OF CONSCIOUSNESS:
-- tunnel vision. Person often does not see what is obvious.
REDUCED DECISION MAKING ABILITY:
- person in crisis experiences a greatly reduced ability to make decisions. This may be especially frightening to the person if he/she was previously decisive and in charge. Person can't decide between this or that. Thus, we should not try to flood the person in crisis with too many choices, i.e. offering eight referrals. Go with one or two good ones.
- person in crisis will signal his/her distress. Person can and will indicate that he/she feels in crisis, unable to cope or otherwise is uncomfortable.
Adapted from: Hansell, Norris. The Person in Distress.
Human Science Press, 1976.
The Five Basic Steps in
Crisis Intervention Counseling
1. ESTABLISH A RELATIONSHIP
- reinforce seeking help
- invite more discussion
- convey our involvement and acceptance
- stroke the client for his/her concern, willingness to change etc.
- define the problem in client's terms
- explore the depth, implications, changeability of concern
- allow open-ended exploration
- focus on NOW and HOW rather than THEN and WHY
- acknowledge
- accept
- explore implications of feelings
- promote hope
- reduce anxiety
- reduce denial, blame
- transition from problem to solving
- take inventory of client's style, internal and external resources
- avoid solutions previously tried that failed
- explore solutions prematurely rejected
- generate alternatives--focus on a collaborative effort with the client. Try to get client to generate alternatives themselves with your assistance.
- explore consequences
- explore how client feels about alternatives, consequences
- rehearse
- get commitment to specific plan of action
- use contracting if necessary and /or appropriate
Helpful and Harmful Things to Say to a Victim
The following list of helpful phrases may be used if you have ever found yourself "stuck" for what to say to a client. You may use the list of harmful phrases below as a check to be sure you are not inadvertently saying things that may not support a victim. These lists may be especially useful to new legal advocates until they decide what phrases feel most comfortable for them, however, they are in no way intended to be inclusive.
Helpful Phrases:
- "You're doing a great job dealing with the situation."
- "What you are doing is very difficult and you've done so much already (list her actions)."
- "It sounds like you have really thought a lot about the situation and what you want to do."
- "You really care a lot about your children. You are a wonderful mom."
- "You are not to blame for being abused."
- "You are not the cause of another's violent behavior."
- "You deserve to be treated with respect."
- "You deserve to make your life safe and happy."
- "You are not alone. You can ask/have asked others to help you."
- "Things may be different now than before, and you and your children may have a different routine, but it may help you and your children live safely."
- "I am glad you are here with me now."
- "I'm sorry it happened."
- "It wasn't your fault."
- "It is ok for you to feel _______________."
- "You are not going crazy."
- "Things may never be same, but they can be better."
- "I understand."
- "You're lucky that...."
- "You'll get over it, it will just take a little time."
- "I know how you feel."
- "Everything will be alright, don't worry."
- "Try to be strong for your children."
- "Calm down and try to relax."
- "Why didn't you________________?"
- "I think you should _______________."
10 Questions to Ask Yourself before Becoming an Advocate
- Can I be a "safe harbor" or can I be a dependable, nonjudgmental companion to this person?
- Can I be with people who are in pain and hurt?
- Can I attempt to see the world through the eyes of this person?
- Do people perceive my desire to understand them? More importantly, do I have a desire to understand them and a willingness to be taught?
- Am I able to pull back and know I need "time outs" from victim advocacy from time to time? Am I able to sense when my bucket is low and needs filled?
- Do I understand my separateness as a person? Am I able to maintain boundaries in this relationship?
- Can I respect my own needs while focusing on the needs of others?
- Am I able to free myself or the need to diagnose, evaluate and assess? Can I instead see myself as a gardener who is exploring to see what we discover?
- Can I see this person as someone who is becoming, rather than as a static person bound by their past?
- Am I able to supportively confront people when the need arises?
Do your best to help an individual and be supportive. Many times individuals need someone to help them through their crisis, however know your limits. If the issue seems to be getting too difficult or more complex than you are able to handle, know when to refer to a long-term counselor or another professional who is more equiped to help the person in crisis.